Funky Figures Flying Fast: An Alphabetic Anecdote

Arthur Aardvark advanced along Aspen Ally as Adam Ape ate apples. After apple annihilation, Adam adopted an awkward action approximating an “aardvarkian” ability. Arthur altered angles aligning along Adam’s area. Abundant amusement appeared as Arthur analyzed Adam’s actions.  Abruptly, Adam attacked Arthur attempting an aardvark abolishment. Arthur adjusted, avoiding Adam’s aggression.

Blossoming Betty Beaver beheld both beasts’ behavior. Bewildered, Betty began bawling.  Betty’s bawling brought Bobby Baboon and Billy Bear aside Arthur and Adam’s area. Barbara Bison also beheld Adam’s actions and Betty’s bawling but believed bison best bypass bellicose behavior.

Combative chaffing can create cataclysmic chaos,” concluded Barbara. Barbara correctly avoided Adam and Arthur’s conflict by averting attention away. Betty continued bawling as Bobby and Billy came closer. Billy bravely beat back an awkward acting Adam. Astonished, Adam blindly bounced backwards.

Damn dirty delirious disgusting dope,” Arthur boisterously barked as Adam crashed against Debbie Deer, an angelically, divine, dazzling, and delightful deer as considered by almost all deer. Debbie, abruptly arriving as Adam attacked Arthur, delicately avoided Adam’s actions and clamored, “All!  All! A conceivably deadly dangerous development doth appear.”

Everyone expeditiously ended executing existing energy and entertained Debbie’s exclamation.  “Earlier,” Debbie explained, eyeing an area approximating Aspen Ally’s bare basin, “Appeared above, an astonishingly abnormal entity.”

Flying furiously and firing fuming flasks, funky figures fell fast,” Debbie continued. “Ah!” everyone apprehensively exhaled. “Funky figures flying furiously?” asked Arthur. “Fuming flasks?” asked Adam, aiming eyes at Arthur. “Affirmative” chimed Debbie, “funky figures flying furiously and firing fuming flasks.”

Goodness gracious! Goodness gracious!” groaned Betty, gradually beginning bawling again.  “Great gamma groaner!” exclaimed Bobby Baboon, “Betty bawling again!” Betty began fleeing at experiencing Bobby’s belittling behavior.

Halt!” hollered Debbie hopping hastily behind Betty. “Have care!” exclaimed Debbie.  “Believe! For certainly any concoction descending hurriedly and firing fuming flasks can’t be friendly.”

Immediately intense images invaded individual intellects inciting idiosyncratic and immeasurable imaginations. Barbara Bison imagined giant birds firing fuming feces filled flasks.  Adam Ape, containing an imagination approximating Barbara’s, also imagined fuming feces filled flasks, but his astonishing abnormal entity assumed an appearance equivalent a humongous elephant.

Jabberwocky!” announced Bobby jumping frantically. “It’s fiction! Every individual in attendance here has experienced Debbie’s falsehoods; her inclination for judging events inaccurately. “It’s a juxtaposition,” exclaimed Arthur. At hearing Arthur’s exclamation, facial expressions implying confusion immediately appeared. “Juxtaposition!” cried Adam aloud in an argumentative accent. “An absence of intelligence among Individuals here concerning a juxtaposition definition creates confusion.”

Knucklehead!” grumbled Betty finally initiating group engagement. “Knowledge, knowledge, knowledge, an inadequacy Adam Ape carries. Emotional instability I carry, but knowledge is a blessing I hold.” Betty commenced furnishing a detailed definition around juxtaposition. By kindly employing key elementary juxtaposition knowledge analogous idioms Betty enlightened Adam’s intellect.

Lively linguistic long-winded Betty explained, “In essence, Arthur, believing Debbie deliberately likes lying, contrasts Debbie’s funky figures flying furiously and firing fuming flasks assertion; it’s fact against fiction.”

Many more minutes flew by as Betty mumbled mostly mindless messages about authentic information contradicting man made assumptions based around gossip. “Enough!” blurted out Billy Bear deciding his moment for communicating had arrived. “Did astonishingly abnormal entities flying furiously and firing fuming flasks actually appear as Debbie Deer has informed? If a fact, an aggressive act may manifest itself at any moment.”

Numbing noiselessness materialized at hearing Billy’s comments. Each creature in attendance halted communicating and began deliberating individually. Noticeably no negative behavior manifested itself. Nice interactions and discussions ensued, nullifying existing non-helpful behavior. Even Adam and Arthur acted more civil and less animalistic.

Ouch!” Barbara Bison abruptly hollered as an outlandishly oversized fuming object landed a foot away emitting odors often emitted during moments of overabundant excretions. Obnoxious overpowering odors engulfed everyone. “Oh my! Oh my!” Betty began bawling, her moment of intellectual confidence apparently obliterated by an actual appearance of an astonishingly odd looking object, an object no one except Debbie had observed before.

Promptly, previously puzzled creatures panicked and followed a pleading Debbie in a direction approximating Aspen Alley’s forested part. “Patience,” called Billy. “Please proceed in a cautious manner. No one desires injury.”

Quickly, each quasi frightened individual, except Adam, quietly quit making noise and proceeded beneath Aspen Alley’s humongous forest. Adam egotistically quibbled. “I knew it, figures flying furiously and firing fuming flasks of feces. I mentioned that.” Arthur, having hushed himself after his juxtaposition proclamation, quipped, “It’s a quagmire.”

Really?” asked Betty glaring intensely at Arthur. “A quagmire. Is another language lesson needed?” “Enough!” Billy robustly roared. “Reckless animalistic creatures are dangerously discharging realistic looking fecal matter. Another language lesson is a ridiculous recommendation.”

Seriously,” pined Barbara. “Some strange subjects flying furiously and spewing fuming flasks nearly struck me. I suspect a strong storm of a similar substance may soon surprise each person standing here.”

There!” shouted Debbie pointing in the direction of a terrifying creature tumbling towards them at a tremendous pace. The terrifying creature, seemingly lacking control of its own movement, twisted and turned as it headed to the earth.

Ubiquitous urn-like objects haphazardly landed all around them. Unbeknownst to most of them, several more creatures appeared in the area. Urgent unhinged behavior suddenly took root in Adam, Arthur, Barbara, Betty, Billy, Bobby and Debbie as unbearable odors, accompanied by an ugly mist, engulfed them. Adam attacked anything around an area approximating his. Arthur awkwardly altered angles at every perceived motion. A benumbed Barbara barely moved while Betty boisterously began bawling and Billy behaved like Billy best behaves; businesslike and calm. Beside both Betty and Barbara stood a bewildered Bobby bawling louder than Betty. Only Debbie displayed a delightful demeanor. In fact, Debbie demonically laughed during the entire development.

Very soon they were surrounded by a voluminous swarm of vociferous varmints. Lacking a full understanding of the situation they found themselves in and possessing a vague view of the area due to the vigorous mist enveloping them, they did not know if the varying varmint might be violent or if they even knew the varmint.

While watching with wonder as each animal reacted, Debbie’s uncontrollable whimsical laughter continued; especially upon witnessing a whining Bobby wet himself. A wary Billy watched Debbie’s wails of laughter and was suddenly whacked with a wall of understanding.

X…! X…! Examine the situation!” Billy exclaimed, excitedly exiting his current position. Unfortunately, due to the deafening hilarity spewing from the vocal weaponry of Debbie and the other varmints, no one acknowledged Billy’s stammered exclamation. Immediately, Billy began expeditiously exercising the exquisite inbred roaring expertise bestowed upon him by his excellent parents.

Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!” Billy yowled, while utilizing his young robust looking extremities to get the attention of his friends. “It’s a ruse! I suspect our friend Debbie is not the angelically divine dazzling delightful deer she is often considered to be.” Slowly each creature yielded to Billy’s vigorous yanking. Adam, after almost annihilating Arthur, eventually acceded to Billy’s aggressiveness. Arthur, abundant achiness occupying his minuscule skull, lay on the ground in a fetal like position yammering. Barbara, no longer benumbed, adopted a bizarre look of bewilderment. Betty and Bobby ceased bawling and immediately began maneuvering toward Debbie. Debbie’s demeanor quickly changed.

Z…Zorry” said Debbie, her intense crying affecting her ability to pronounce a certain letter correctly. “I zo zorry. I juz wanted to have zome fun. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. It alwayz zeems you all think I’m boring. One minute you zay I’m dazzling and delightful and then I’m boring. I don’t underzand. How can I be dazzling and boring at the zame time? Its an oxymoron.” “Yes, an oxymoron,” interrupted Arthur still lying on the ground in pain. “You’re not boring,” chimed Betty, “but this was not a funny joke; firing fuming flasks of feces at us…”

As Betty spoke, the mist and odor slowly faded away revealing a large group of creatures of various genus and species surrounding them. The once vociferous creatures now quietly stood in embarrassment, a look of remorse covering each of their faces. Although the joke was Debbie’s idea they helped plan and execute it. Most, if not all, knew that the plan was not very xenial and that ultimately firing fuming flasks of feces was yucky and lacked the needed zeal to achieve Debbie’s objective. This was especially true for Cameron Crow, Barney Bat, Hank Hawk, and Oscar Owl, each of whom agreed to collect and fire the flasks of feces. After some pleading, they all gave in to Debbie’s perceived divine dazzling demeanor and agreed to execute the poorly conceived antic.

Adam, Arthur, Betty, Billy and Bobby instantly recognized Cameron, Barney, Hank, and Oscar and immediately knew they were the executers of the odorous fecal matter. Each of them had experienced previous immature wisecracks and tomfoolery imposed upon them by these young creatures. They were the perfect team for Debbie to recruit.

Along with Cameron, Barney, Hank, and Oscar, several other creatures were present. Together, they represented a large conglomerate of the animals that occupied Aspen Alley and the surrounding forest.

Betty, having lost the attention of her audience, eventually stopped talking. Everyone, the victims and perpetrators, stood in silence for several minutes thinking about the day’s events and the impact it would have on their friendship. Until that day, the day the divine dazzling delightful deer known as Debbie felt playing a joke on her friends would get her the attention she sought, all animals in Aspen Alley got along. Those days were now gone. What was to be a harmless act of humor destroyed interspecies friendship.

Eventually, the crowd of once friendly creatures began to disperse. As he was leaving, Adam Ape, speaking in a degrading tone, mumbled “Well…that was a zinger!”

“Zinger,” Arthur Aardvark repeated while laughing.

Betty Beaver paused and turned to look at Arthur as he walked away. For a moment she contemplated following after him and providing a language lesson on the meaning of the word zinger, but decided it was best to let it go.

Billy Bear was the first to leave. After exposing Debbie he could no longer bare the presence of such creatures. He was never seen again.

Bobby Baboon climbed the nearest tree and watched from above as everyone went their own way.

Debbie Deer was the last to leave. She stood quietly contemplating her actions. “I guess the joke was on me,” she mumbled.  She hoped that one day her friends would forgive her. Most eventually did.

Categories: Short StoriesTags: , , ,

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